It's about time that I created this blog. My reason for doing it is a long, complicated story, and I'm not entirely sure that I fully understand it myself. Maybe, with time, I will work my way through the issues as I continue to think through and process my thoughts in this space.
The world is a crazy place. While I like to think that I am generally a laid-back person, comfortable with my existence on this planet, in all actuality, I know that it's not entirely true. I'm surely not alone when I question situations and events that occur daily. Do these occurrences happen randomly, or is there a divine director of the daily drama playing out on the world stage? I don't know, and I don't trust the people who attempt to lead me to believe they know the answers to these questions.
Sometimes, I wish that I could simply believe unconditionally, but I've always been a questioner. Faith is a slippery proposition. I need it, but I just can't seem to come to terms with it, especially when the harsh realities of our world make a stronger, day-to-day, argument for a more agnostic approach. Despite my ever-present cynicism, I actually do believe in a higher power, but I do not necessarily expect a helping hand.
The tricky thing is that I really need something to believe in considering my health. From the age of sixteen, when I learned that my kidneys had begun to fail, I've searched for some type of support to get me through my personal crisis, but I honestly have not been able to put any faith in the belief that there is a higher power that might intervene in my eventual outcome.
By the way, I've been connected to my nocturnal home hemodialysis machine for the past eight hours, and the treatment is coming to an end; unfortunately I have to stop this here, but I will be back to continue this soon. Good morning!
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